Guest Post by: Camille “Ming” Santos
Is it too much to ask that people behave with even a little courtesy when it comes to ending a relationship? As far as I know, there are two effective ways to break the news to someone: 1.) Speaking via phone call, and 2.) Speaking face to face. Everything else, unless there are really good reasons, say: 1.) You are lazy, and 2.) You are a coward.
What does it take these days to get a face to face break up – or even a phone call?
Do you need to have been seeing each other for forever to warrant this sort of treatment? What do you have to do to make someone feel that they owe you the courtesy of a face-to-face talk or as least a phone call when they dump you? What do you have to do to get the closure and honesty that comes from a face-to-face breakup?
There’s no excuse for bad etiquette, as far as most of us are concerned. So here are some reasons why you shouldn’t dump someone over a text (or email).
It is too random. All of us receive text messages seemingly at random. We don’t know when to expect them – they just pop out of our phones out of the blue. A face to face conversation is something, at least, you can prepare for. Besides, it’s a little cruel to send a “We need to end this” text message without knowing what the recipient is doing at the moment. It is an extremely fine way of ruining someone’s day at the beach, or distracting someone from reviewing – you know, whatever.
It is incredibly rude. I have heard numerous break up stories and I find it really sad that most of us have come to regard other people as somewhat disposable. Even though it is the quickest and easiest way of extricating yourself from a relationship, breaking up with someone over text or email is completely irresponsible and shows lack of respect.
Closure, ever heard of it? It would probably be hard for both parties, but, seriously speaking, you must break up face to face. Ending relationships over the phone would probably be acceptable in cases of serious long distance relationships. Breaking up over text, email or using Facebook to change your relationship status to let the other person know it’s over is not a decent way to break up. The other person (henceforth shall be called dumpee) would be able to find closure by seeing and hearing your feelings about the relationship, not just by reading about them onscreen.
Dumping someone via text is disgraceful. You owe it to someone you’ve been seeing (no matter how long) to sit them down. You owe it to them to be a hundred percent honest about how you’re feeling and where you’re at so they can have closure.
It’s simple, be considerate. The dumpee deserves an explanation of why you are leaving, but you don’t have to drag their self-esteem in the mud while you do it. Both parties should leave the relationship the way they went into it, honest and true. Show respect to the person that you have shared your life with, even if it was for only a few months or a few years.
The idea of people breaking up over such media escapes me, however, I think the notion that there is a large pool of potential boyfriends or girlfriends to draw from is actually giving people the idea that they can dispense of relationships quickly on move on to the next love interest. I don’t know – maybe people want to avoid confrontation and feel like they get to control the timing by effectively leaving without the recipient being part of it. It’s very passive aggressive – unless the recipient is confrontational, it is likely that they’ll be shocked into accepting it.
If someone does that to me, well – I don’t think I can even look him in the eye, or maybe even talk to him again. If you are intimate enough to look into my eyes when we were together, how dare you break up with me via text? (lol)
Technology is a wonderful thing, but when it comes down to intimacy and relationships, you seriously need to pick up the phone or meet face-to-face to tell someone how you feel if you’re going to leave them. You need to do this no matter how hard you think it will be. Besides, I doubt that you would want to be on the receiving end of the “I’m leaving you text”.
Leaving someone is not an easy thing to do. Leaving someone using technology is just plain sad.
Now, please think twice before pressing that “send” button.