Why It’s Senseless to Expect People to Change: How to React in Certain Cases

Guest Post on Relationships by Lester Dinuguan

People change, yeah but who doesn’t? You are so focused on looking at what’s different in other people that you don’t take time to take a look into the mirror yourself. You see someone else in the guy across the street but do you even know how they see you? It shouldn’t matter what you think of them as much as you don’t care what they think of you.

Change is constant but it should be voluntary

From head to toe you change and you will continually change. You’re just making it more difficult for yourself and other people. You can’t change people to your liking just because you want to; you are not an Almighty entity. You can suggest change, but you can’t undermine their freedom of choice. You make your own choices and decisions, so why can’t they? Stop being a bitter gourd, if you loved them for how they used to be you can learn to love them as they are now.

No one should stop you from telling them when it’s hurting. If they’re doing the wrong thing then you have every right to tell them what you think. But you can’t force someone to stop being who they are. We are different; you can’t create a clone of yourself from someone else. Does it matter what they’ve become and what they’ve decided to do with their lives if it makes them happy? That is still them, and a true person would readily recognize that.

Sometimes we are so wrapped up in ourselves that we don’t listen to anybody but our selves. I have tattoos and if those burn your eyes, then turn away. You don’t need to stare at something you don’t want to see. Don’t give attention to something that doesn’t deserve it in the first place. Bashers often make issues out of trivial things and small mistakes.


Nobody’s perfect

You think you’re perfect? Good luck living a happy life if anybody even wants to put up with you. You’d be lucky not to die alone. If you’re the kind of guy that thinks of himself as a perfect species without flaw, thank your lucky stars that no one takes your cracks seriously. Bad jokes are common causes of waking up in a hospital.

Having a big ego is a heavy cross, for you and other people. Hope you don’t stumble on your way home nor down the stairs; don’t you get tired of looking down on other people? You can walk a mile in someone else’s shoe and still not understand what they’ve been through and what changed them into what you see now.

Saving other people from themselves can’t be accomplished by nagging or talking rashly about things that you don’t understand. If you don’t know the whole story, it’s not a bad idea to keep your mouth shut or someone else might shut it for you. Sometimes you think you’re giving good advice, don’t act all high and mighty, especially if you’re not in the position to talk big.

Talking big is different from giving good advice, good advice is when you say things like “Please think it through” not saying things like “What you should have done was…” How are you supposed to know if that was the right thing to do at that very moment? You weren’t there to call the shots or make the decision he had to make.

If it’s over you can always say something like “It will pass” it’s not a bad thing to tell someone what they could do when they’re down in the mud. Giving a direct order is a lot different. What if what you tell those fails? Are you just going to say “it was worth the try” or “better than not doing anything”? Helping is not controlling someone’s life.

Sure, none of this makes sense, but why keep reading if this doesn’t make any sense? What makes your opinion any more correct than mine? Don’t talk about titles and achievements; you can’t take any of that with you when you die, it’ll just be another passing thing, gone when it’s gone. Sometimes we just have to accept that there will always be someone bigger than us and there will always be problems that we can’t solve by ourselves. If you don’t know what to do with someone, love them. Hate will just drag you down.

Patience is a virtue

If you can’t change someone, who’s stopping you from respecting yourself enough to turn away from an idiot who’s just being plain bad to you? But how can you tell if they’re capable of changing if you turn away from them when they need you the most? Giving up easily is your choice, you don’t have to put up with a rotten apple but that doesn’t mean you have to hate them forever.

The more grudges you carry, the more pride you have and the more hate you keep inside the more you will suffer. Yeah it’s unfair but nothing is fair, you get what you get. You make your decisions, let them make theirs. If you think of everyone else as below you, then no one’s gonna catch you.

Exceptions involving stuff like when they start hurting others or show a flagrant disregard for the law and social norms. There’s no need to state all the obvious limitations it’s common sense. If he wants to be a serial killer, you have every right to say “screw this article”.

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